Waitlisted... yet again

So I heard back from TFA yesterday, and even after expanding my preferences to include NY and NOLA, I am still on the waitlist. I got the e-mail in class (Management and Organizational Analysis), and when I read it, I shut down. I felt frustrated and hopeless. I turned off Gchat, and stopped raising my hand. I had been so sure that I was going to get in again, and I was shocked to find out that my status update was merely the SAME waitlist message I had received twice before.

I felt a similar feeling today, too. It was in Spanish class. We just finished reading a book called "Réquiem por un campesino español," and I just wasn't accepting the explanation that profesora was offering. I found the main character's actions completely irrational, and I kept on insisting that my explanation was the right one. I e-mailed profesora later, and she helped me to see (in English) that I was just being stubborn. I was trying too hard to impose my own interpretation that I was unable to see things from another perspective.

As graduation and real life gets ever closer, I'm realizing that I don't have as much control over everything as I would like. It's not all going to work out sometimes. There are going to be things that I can change, and then there are going to be things that I can't, and the most anyone can try to do is know the difference. For example, one thing that I cannot change is using clichés.

Tomorrow, I have an interview at the Harlem Children's Zone. (TLA on HCZ - http://bit.ly/bPsSgL)

I've done my research. I've planned out how to get there. I've shaved, set my alarm, and laid out my suit. All I can do now is ace the interview. I just have to go in there, tell them who I am and why I want the job, and see what happens.

I'm not going to waste any more time doubting myself or being hard on myself. And if I do fall back into a rut, I'll just turn on HOT 97, and (apparently no matter what time it is) I'll hear these encouraging words from my friend Drake:

What am I doin? What am I doin?
Oh, yeah, thats right, Im doin me
Im doin me
Im livin life right now, mayne

And this what Ima do til its over
Til its over
But its far from over...


Anonymous said...


Ramil Ibrahim said...

is that you koko? this was my favorite post so far. i agree that it is sensational.

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