Waitlisted... yet again

So I heard back from TFA yesterday, and even after expanding my preferences to include NY and NOLA, I am still on the waitlist. I got the e-mail in class (Management and Organizational Analysis), and when I read it, I shut down. I felt frustrated and hopeless. I turned off Gchat, and stopped raising my hand. I had been so sure that I was going to get in again, and I was shocked to find out that my status update was merely the SAME waitlist message I had received twice before.

I felt a similar feeling today, too. It was in Spanish class. We just finished reading a book called "Réquiem por un campesino español," and I just wasn't accepting the explanation that profesora was offering. I found the main character's actions completely irrational, and I kept on insisting that my explanation was the right one. I e-mailed profesora later, and she helped me to see (in English) that I was just being stubborn. I was trying too hard to impose my own interpretation that I was unable to see things from another perspective.

As graduation and real life gets ever closer, I'm realizing that I don't have as much control over everything as I would like. It's not all going to work out sometimes. There are going to be things that I can change, and then there are going to be things that I can't, and the most anyone can try to do is know the difference. For example, one thing that I cannot change is using clichés.

Tomorrow, I have an interview at the Harlem Children's Zone. (TLA on HCZ - http://bit.ly/bPsSgL)

I've done my research. I've planned out how to get there. I've shaved, set my alarm, and laid out my suit. All I can do now is ace the interview. I just have to go in there, tell them who I am and why I want the job, and see what happens.

I'm not going to waste any more time doubting myself or being hard on myself. And if I do fall back into a rut, I'll just turn on HOT 97, and (apparently no matter what time it is) I'll hear these encouraging words from my friend Drake:

What am I doin? What am I doin?
Oh, yeah, thats right, Im doin me
Im doin me
Im livin life right now, mayne

And this what Ima do til its over
Til its over
But its far from over...